The Edwards

Go down

The Edwards Empty The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:02 pm

Yep, they have a new home. I swear, I will do the holiday specials soon.
THE EDWARDS ARE:

SAM EDWARDS
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Loving Dad who loves to fish and loves to love his kids. Yes ladies, he's single!

TOM EDWARDS
The Edwards Screenshot_original
A nerdy bookworm. Married to his job and his school. Will he have time for romance between his sister and school?

CLARA EDWARDS
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Slut. Whore. Bitch. Just some of the words this little minx will throw at you if you dare cross her. All she wants is boys and to par-tay.

MIKE EDWARDS
The Edwards Screenshot_original
The new baby on the scene!

THE HOUSE
The Edwards Screenshot_original
It's a house.


WEEK 1:
Spoiler:
The Edwards Screenshot_original
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom reads a book and Clara sleeps. THE SUSPENCE.

Lets skip to the first day at School...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: 'Whoo! SCHOOL!'
Clara: 'Puh-lease, betch'

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: 'NOBODY CALLS ME A BETCH AND STAYS ALIVE!'
Clara: 'OH YEAH!?'
Girl: 'Feh'

She won.

After School, things hot up.
Clara invites a boy over for a spot of fun.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Boy: 'WHOAH! TOO SLUTTY!'
Clara: 'C'mon! You can see my tit through this!'
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Boy: 'Fine'
Clara: 'Don't talk. Just relaaaaxxx...'

Meanwhile, at Tom's job...
The Edwards Screenshot_original

People: 'What a hot boy'
Tom: '...'

Tom goes back home and meets the boy.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Boy: 'Lets go out!'
Tom: 'Sure! And don't talk please.'

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: 'What the fuck?'

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: 'YOU LLAMA SHAGGING PRICK!'
Boy: 'Don't hurt me!'

The Edwards Screenshot_original
YAAAAAAAAHHH!

But where is Dad in all this?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam:'I wonder what Tom is doing right now...?

PART 2:

Spoiler:
Reacting to finding her boyfriend cheating with her Brother, Clara has a good ol' cry.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: 'Wahhhhh!'
Boy: 'Who shags Llamas now? Bitch.'

She tries to smooth things over with her brother...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: *Cough* Mother-*hack*fucker.
Tom: No ,more food, it makes you fat.

Feeling angry at the world, Clara does the smart thing. She becomes a Goth.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Boy: Woah. You menstrating? Because you must be mad.
Clara: ARRRRRRRHHHHH!

Tom and Sam have some father-son time while Clara and the boy tear off each-others faces.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: My boss sent me an ad for disco stick enlagement cream yesterday.
Tom: Ah... I have to... SCHOOL! Yeah, school.

Instead of school, Clara eats untill they make her leave.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: I need more food!

After the chef locks her out, Clara trys her hand at cooking.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: I don't remember putting chocolate in my soup...
Tom: You burned it, ya' twat!

Tom calls his boyfriend to bitch about Clara.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Yeah, she ate ALL the pies.

Then the Pizza Place
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Hey, Tony. We got a code 5. Yeah, the walrus is in the girl.
Clara: Ugh.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Fatty fat fat gir ate the pies,
When she talks she jiggles her thighs!
Clara: OH THAT IS IT YOU COCKMUNCHING, BOYFRIEND TAKING C**T!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: YOU JUST GOT SUMO'D
Tom: I need a vacation...

PART 3:
Spoiler:
Picking where we left off, Clara enjoys her victory the only way she can.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
*Nom*

Feeling alone in the house, she decides to go on a chatroom... and finds her fathers chatlogs.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
SamTheMan: I am REALLY in a rut here. I need money. :(
Notaspambot992: Well then... How much toomuch are you PAYing? Have yoU conSiderd consolodating your debt into one monthly payout with Sunset Money?
SamTheMan: Good idea!
Clara: Oh. Fuck.

They REALLY need money. So Clara puts up a flyer.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Wanted: housemate who can pay HUGE amounts of rent. Like $500 a week. Really, i'm talking shitting money into my hands. No Pets.

Within moments, a reply!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: So... 'Mary', what do you do?
Mary: My daddy, like, cut me off a week ago. So I, like, stole his credit card and ran away from home.
Clara: What kind of credit card?
Mary: Like, it's a Platinum Black Gold.
Clara: Just like my dad has. You are SO living here.
Mary:OMIGAWD! Another one! I hit a jackpot! I need to dress for this!

Being a quick thinker, Mary changes and waits...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Maybe the teal one? NO! He has a Platinum Black Gold! Dress classy! THINK MARY! THINK!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary:My god, he is u-g-l-y. Grit your teeth girl. Plastic is on the line here!
Hel- hi there, Sexy.

In typical Edwards style, Sam quickly has her where he wants her. Or so he thinks...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam:Oh, you like that baby?
Mary:Yeah! It's rad!
Sam:Don't talk please.

Sam and Mary quickly hit it off.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara:Do you hear something, cockmuncher?
Tom:No I don't, cunthead.

Of course, Sam does something innaproperiate.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam:Eh. I've had better.
Mary: Aw. Fuck you.
Sam:Again? You fox!
Mary:Since we are sharing a bed and all, I was thinking we could... share a credit card?

A few days later...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara:Tom, are you okay with all the changes Mary has done?
Tom:She replaced my guyliner with blush. WHAT DO YOU THINK!?

But what is wrong with Mary?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
OH. SHIT.
But what are Clara and Tom doing while Mary throws up?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom:Yeah, you can kiss my ass. Whore
Clara:You kept your pants on. Thats a step up for you!
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:04 pm

WEEK 2
Spoiler:
Picking up where we left off, Mary reacts to the news she is pregnant.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: It's okay girl. Just casually mention it on a date. OH GOD! WHAT IF SAM WANTS ME TO SETTLE DOWN? MY LIFE IS OVER!

The others react better. But, it's still a tad insane... they dress like somebody has died.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Hey, I take it you heard the news?
Clara: News?

Fianally, Mary snaps.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: OHMIGOD! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WEAR FAT CLOTHES!
Clara: Mmmhmm. Could you get me some ice for my drink?

Using Marys insanity as an oppertunity, Clara acts fast...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Hey, could I borrow your Credit Card?
Mary: For what?
Clara: Uhhhh.... SCHOOL! YEAH! School...
Mary: Sure, just clean it when you are done.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: WANTED: New sofa, lamps, rugs and wallpaper. Must be black, red or deep purple. HeHe. I love eBay.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Ahhh, a dungeon fit for a saint.

Coming home from his job, Tom asks about the changes that have been made.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: What happend here? Heh, did Clara use your Credit Card?
Mary: Yeah, she said she needed it for school.
Tom: WOW. Hey, I was wondering...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: You have no problem with the changes I made, do you?
Clara: Nope. Oh, thanks for the bedsheets.
Tom: S'alright.

Sam comes home to see what has happend...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: YOU LET CLARA USE A CREDIT CARD!? SHE IS ONLY 15!!!
Mary: IT WAS FOR SCHOOL! FUCK YOU!

Clara tests out her new bed. It's great untill...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: CLARA EDWARDS! YOU USED A CREDIT CARD TO IMPROVE YOUR ROOM!?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Room!? What about the living room?
Sam: Nice try, I know all the girly reds and purples are the same as before. I WANT ALL OF THIS SHIT GONE NOW!!
Clara: Ugh...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: YOU CUM GUZZLER! DAD THINKS I CHANGED THE BEDROOM! WHERE AM I GOING TO GET $1700 TO PAY HIM BACK!? I'LL KILL YOU!
Tom: AHHH! ALRIGHT! I WILL GET RID OF EVERYTHING AND PAY BACK DAD! NOW LET GO OF MY EARS!!

DAY 2
Spoiler:
Celebrating kicking Toms ass, Clara decides to cook.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Cook more than usual. She is not eating them right away and she isn't sucking the spoon. Hmmmm?

A few hours later, Tom has a bit of a shock at work...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Lady: Excuse me, could you tell me if you have any of those darling tulips you had last week? I have a Future Housewife Club meeting.
Tom: Sure, the are in row sevOH MY GOD!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: CLARA! JESUS AND MARY WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!?
Clara: TOM!? YOU WORK HERE!? I-UH- LOST A BET! I lost a bet and I have to wear this stupid dress. Now, about those tulips...

After work, Tom decides to tell Sam what he saw.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Hey, want to know where Clara was today?
Sam: Always.
Tom: Well, at work I-
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: RAGH! SHUT THE HELL UP YOU BASTARD!

After beting Toms ass again, Clara is joined by Mary for some games and gossip.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Hey, I need to ask you about some lovely -er- ugly seeds. Can I have some money to get them?
Mary: Only if you level up and make me some of your great cookies. I found some in the fridge.
Clara: I-ERR-BEH... Sure... just don't tell anybody about this.

Trying not be noticed, Clara slips into her new dress and makes some cookies.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Clara!? Are you making cookies in a dress?
Clara: OHSHI- have you been drinking?
Sam: A little.
Clara: I'm not in a dress, go to bed. You are drunk.

After baking the cookies, Clara invites her Futue Housewife Friend over. But Tom sees them...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sal: Baking soda will get that stain on your white dress out.
Clara: Thank you! Have you had some of Glenda's cherry pie? It is simply divine!
Tom: Okay, this has gone too far...
*SlapSlapSlapSlapSlap*

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: My god Clara! Look at yourself! Look at what you have become!
Sal: Wow! The Future Housewives Club prepares you for every aspect of marriage!
Clara: What the fuck Tom!?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: This is not you!
Clara: What the hell are you raving about?
Tom: Look at youself! You have become everything you hate. You are one of THEM.
Clara: NO! THATS NOT TRUE!
Tom: I want you back! The real you! Not the housewife or the goth, you.
Clara: I...I...ugh. You are right. I'll go and change.

Within a few seconds, Clara was back to her old self and had made up with Tom. Well, sort of...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Thank you Tom.
Tom: No problem. Just glad to have you back.
Clara: Hey, since we have made up and all, can I have my boyfriend back?
Tom: Jump off a cliff.
Clara: Cocksucker
Tom: Bucketcunt

DAY 3
Spoiler:
The time is near, Mary will soon give birth!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I wonder if they have those cute hospital gowns. Not the ones the bury the dead in...?

Clara asks Mary about a few baby things.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: So, what gender is the baby?
Mary: Oh, the Doctor said that it is a girl.
Clara: Heh, name it after me.
Mary: YEAH! That way when she is 15, she can wear your old stuff. I will save a TON of money!

Having a mood swing, Mary changes her mind about the hospital.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Ugh. I HATE hospitals! I'm going to have to wear an ugly corpse-gown! MY LIFE IS OVER!

Being forced into the car by Tom, she goes to the hospital.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Some bangin' tunes would make this day better. Where is my Katy Perry CD?
I- I left it at home? THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER!

Now fianally at the hospital, Mary looks in horror at her view.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Wow, I don't think i've ever seen a hospital built by a slowly eroding cliff.

All that changes when the hospitals 'Young Person Outreach Officer' shows up.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Dr. Carl: Yo dawg. I'm Dr. Carl. Immah here to show mah young homiez that a hospital stay can be wack, yo.
Mary: I'm 29...
Dr. Carl: So, herez what immah do...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I think that asshole drugged my tea. If could move, I would kick his ass like the Loch Ness Monster. Hi-ya!

After the drugs stop working, Mary calls Sam.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I've had it! I'm having Tigerlily at home!
Sam: NO! YOU STAY IN THE HOSPITAL! OUR BABY WILL NOT BE CALLED TIGERLILY!

Mary leaves anyway...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Don't worry Lily, we will soon be in a nice comfy bed...

...but a real Doctor sends her back.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Dr. Farbbs: Now, this is a normal thing to feel. The pills should help you get over the pain.
Mary: *Drool*

What is going on is to painful to show, so here is a metaphore.
The Edwards Screenshot_original

Mary soon leaves with the baby, but here is the shocker: Tigerlily is really a Mike!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I swear, they switched you in the womb.

On the way back, Mary reaveals a secret.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Cabbie: First baby?
Mary: First one I am raising with the guy.
Mike: O_O

Putting Mike in his crib, Mary changes into what she calls a 'mothering outfit'.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I think he was about THIS big...

Sam sees what she is wearing...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL A MOTHERING OUTFIT!?
Mary: THE PINK MATCHES MY LOVE FOR HIM! LOVING BUT NOT TOO LOVING!
Mike: Oh lordy.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: SHITCOCKBASTARD HEAD!
Sam: WHORE!

But what are the kids doing?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Should we...?
Tom: Nah, I just need to kill this boss.
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:06 pm

WEEK 3
Spoiler:
It has been a while since we saw the Edwards familly. Lets take a look at how Mary is holding up...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: AHHHHH! THIS KID IS DRIVING ME NUTS!

It's not all that bad, Clara seems to be okay with Mike.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Keep the THING busy. I need to go to work.
Clara: Mmmhmmm. I don't see what the problem is, he- awww hell no! YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Why are you in Mary's 'Slut Dress'?
Clara: The little bastard threw up on my last good top. Get me to school before I kill him. NOW!

The only person that seems to like Mike is Tom. Well, that is not a good thing...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom:...and that is why if you ever find a tape called 'Mary owns Tom', do not play it.

Moving on from the baby, Mary has a new job working at the local buisness...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Dear JoyTek,
I recently purchased some of your products and I am not happy. The little bastards broke it and 9 months later, I have a big little bastard. I would like a full refund.

...where Sam if the boss...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Left! No! Jump! ATTACK!! GAH! I am SICK of playing World of Warcraft!

...A mean boss that makes Mary come in early. She does, but not to do work.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Bleck. This coffee tastes of skunk piss.

After a long day of making Mary do assanine and pointless tasks, Sam comes home and tells Clara all about it.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: TeeHeeHee. I made Mary carry a huge box of rocks up and down the same flight of stairs all day!
Clara: Ugh, Dad...about this whole thing. Now that you have a baby, maybe you should consider doing the right thing...
Sam: YES! I keep the baby and evict her. She only rents here...
Clara: I'm the one that gave her the room. What I mean is...

After much discussion, Sam gives in.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: OKAY! I will do it after our performance meeting. Shit! It's in 10 minutes!

Soon after the meeting...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Mary, I have chosen this sucluded location for a reason...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I can see the office and Sally and Mark...
Sam: Fine, I shall wait untill they are gone...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: We have had our ups and our downs...
Mary: Get to the point, i'm getting my hair and nails done in 5...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Will you marry me?
Mary: EEK! MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD! I CAN SEE MY FUCKING FACE!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: OH! IT'S PERFECT! I WILL MARRY YOU! YES!

It all seem like a fairy story, but what are they thinking?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: For the baby. For the baby. For the baby...
Mary: For the money. For the money. For the money...

It will be intresting to see what happens. Hey, has anybody seen Tom anywhere?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom (Singing along): I've fallen out of favor and I've fallen from grace
Fallen out of trees and I've fallen on my face
Fallen out of taxis, out of windows too
Fell in your opinion when I fell in love with you

Oh dear god...

DAY 2

Spoiler:
Picking up where we left off, Clara isn't taking the news so well.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: YOU DID WHAT!?
Sam: It was your idea!
Clara: HOW DID YOU GET PROPOSE FROM 'GET FULL CUSTODY OF MIKE, KICK HER OUT AND MAKE HER PAY CHILD SUPPORT'!?!?
Sam: I...er...
Clara: THIS HOUSE IS ALREADY TOO SMALL! MIKE SLEEPS BY THE TV! YOU FIX THIS NOW! NAO!

So, Sam comes up with a plan to make things all better...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
[quote=SamTheMan]Wanted:
Massive bloody house in exchange for fairly sized houe. Perfect for cults and pimps![/quote]
Sam: Heh Heh. I love Craigslist.

Within seconds of posting the ad, the Edwards family & Mary say goodbye to the house.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Say goodbye Mike. This is the last we shall see of 13 Cherry Road.
Mike: How do I tell him that I can't talk yet? Maybe if I smack him...
*Whack*
Sam: Somebody is a crankypants! When you get to your new home, right to bed!

The new house is fantastic! Clara almost forgets about her dad's moronic plan...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: How do I shoot? NO! JUMP! JUMP YOU FOOL!

Mary quickly falls in love...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Why Mayor McCheese, you flatter me. *EEK!* I must have a party!

Soon later, Mary plans her party. By plan I mean find a guest. By find a guest I mean- well, you know...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: You simply must come! There will be drinks, cake, teenage butlers...
Simon: I love you! I will come!
Mary: Oh goody... I would like you to 'come'. TeeHeeHee.

Back at home, Tom prepares for the party as the first guests start to arrive.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Who the hell orders vodka mixed with beer? Vita Alto has some bizzare tastes.

When Tom's guest arrives, Clara seems to enjoy the party a lot less.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Oh god. HE is here. Don't look, don't look...
Eddie: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT, SKANK!?
Clara: Shit!

Moving to Tom's bedroom, things hot up...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Oooh baby, I love the way you feel on my lips...
Eddie: I think I know where to go from here...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
*Ziiiip*
Tom: The hell...?
Eddie: I know! So, do you want to get down on your knees or shall I push you on the bed?
Tom: If you do not get out of my room, I will tear off that syphilitic twig, shove it down you throat so that the only head you will be getting is that of the doctor, giving CPR to try and revive you!
Eddie: You mean- OH SWEET JESUS! HEEEEELP!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
[size=50]Eddie: AHHH! MY FACE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY FACE![/size]
Clara: Do you hear that?
Lady: No. Now, get me a scotch on the rocks.

Things get intresting when Simon arrives...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I would just like to say a BIG thank you to everyone that came. This party is to celebrate my engagement to Sam Edwards!
Simon: Eh?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Simon: WHAT!? YOU ARE ENGAGED!?
Mary: I- I told you that!
Simon: WHEN!?

This could go on for a while. Lets see how Clara and Tom are doing.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Don't worry. You just picked a bad one, i'm sure it will never happend again.
Tom: You are loving this.
Clara: So happy I could die. Thats karma, bitch.

Simon has a scary idea:
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Simon: I can't love a married woman. I know! I will bash her husbands head in! That way she will only love me. HeeHee!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: NO YOU BLOODY WILL NOT! YAHHHH!
Simon: NO! NOT THE WRENCH! NOT THE - HELLLLP!

Soon after the paramedics take away Simon, the party heats up.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Who was that man you nearly killed?
Mary: Nobody. He is nobody.

But how is Tom coping?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Must...wash off...skank.

DAY 3

Spoiler:
So, here we are, the episode before the wedding special! Lets see what Clara is up to...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: So it was a fun party, to people nearly got beaten to death.
*BEEP*
Clara: OOH! Mary is using the phone, this could be interesting...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Ugh, I had to be taken away from the bastard. I'm over him anyway, next sexual conquest; Dave from the office.
[size=50]Clara: HOLY CRAPFUCK![/size]
Mary: Did you hear that?

Mary will be on there for a while, now who is that to the front of the house?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Lady: Well, here I am, outside a HUGE house and talking to myself. Mary has done well for herself.
Sam: HEY LADY! CAN I HELP YOU OR ARE YOU GONNA GET LOST?
Lady: Why, you must be Sam!

Later...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: ...I know!
Sam: Go right in Edna, Mary will be very happy to see you!

Edna slips in without Mary seeing a thing.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: So, what we watching?
Mary: The adventures of Mister Spiffington and his sidekick Sally. It's a british period draMOTHER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: WHAT!? YOU GET ENGAGED AND DON'T TELL YOUR MOM!? I FOUND OUT ON YOUR BLOG!
Mary: I AM GOING TO KILL SAM! BUT NOT BEFORE I KILL YOU!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOUR MOTHER!

That goes on for a while. After that, Edna starts to mother Mike...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: It has Edna's Special Spice in it. Go on, try it!
Mike: This is devine! How do I say thankyou to her? Goo Ga.
Edna: See! I said you would love it.

...and mother her own offspring.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: What the hell d'ya do with my suit!?
Edna: You work for a well known corporation. Dress like it.
Mary: I HATE-
Edna: I HATE YOU MORE!

That fight could go on for a while. What is Clara doing?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: I have lived here for a week now and I have never been in there. I wonder...?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: OH MY GOD! IT'S A LOVE DUNGEON!

We'll go back to that later. Mary and Edna are still fighting. Or is it a different fight?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: MOTHER!
Edna: See, you still think looking like this is 'fly' and 'off the hiz-ook'?
Mary: THOSE BOOTS DO NOT GO WITH THAT SKIRT!

Back to the Love Dungeon...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Yeah, it's a Love Dungeon.
Clara: What the hell are you doing here?
Tom: Where do you think I am for most of the episodes time? I come here to paint and practice guitar.
Clara: I-uh.... we'll talk about this later...

Mary and her mother are done arguing, but now she is bitching to Sam about her.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary:...and THAT is why she has to go.
Sam: I see. I will talk to Edna about making dress less like a tart-
Mary: WHAT!?
Sam: Talk to her about being a bitch.

As he said he would, Sam has a talk with Edna.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Edna, Mary told me to have a chat with-
Edna: The walls are pretty thin.
Sam: AH! I-ER...I need you to talk to Mary about a few things...

As they hatch a plan, so do Tom and Clara.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara:...so we don't tell them about it. We just use it for getting away from things. Got it?
Tom: Got it.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Mary, we need to talk. Sam saw the dress...
Mary: OH NO! I'm going to have to get a new one!
Edna: Thats why i'm here. I will help you pick out a whole new look-
Mary: Mom, no we talked about this...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: You are 34-
Mary: SHHHHH!
Edna: 20 something and a mother, a buisness woman and soon to be wife. I think you really need to consider you life...
Mary: Ugh, fine! Only because the wedding is coming up.

So Mary listens to her mother for once and changes EVERYTHING.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Does this mean no more drama? NO MORE ADVENTURES OF SLUTTYNESS!? Stay tuned to find out!
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:07 pm

THE WEDDING
Yep, it's a feature length one.

Spoiler:
Ah, just a few days before the wedding. *In a big brother guy voice* Clara and Tom are in the Love Dungeon.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Like it now we got rid of all that weird sex stuff?
Clara: Yeah, it's better than my room.
Tom: Thats not hard...
Clara: Fuck you.

Later...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Wanna go to a movie later?
Clara: No, I can't. Mary is taking me to get my hair done and I have a cooking class.
Tom: I'm sure it won't be that bad...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Are you freaking kidding me?
Mary: What? It's not that ugly
Clara: You know it is!
Mary: Yeah, but it looks good in a photo.
Clara: THATS IT! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU CHEATING WHORE!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Look, I will not let you spoil this for me. I have a dress for you, and you WILL wear it.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: It's not that-
Clara: DON'T FINISH THAT SENTANCE!
Tom: Look, I have an idea. Do you still have your goth stuff?
Clara: Always....

I can only hope that this isn't going where I think it is...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: What the hell is that!?
Clara: This IS my dress for the wedding. I will have you know this is designer goth gear!
Mary: Motherfucker...

The day passes and it's time for some food, this should be fun...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna:...and diamonds! Every wedding needs diamonds!
Mary: Mother, we have been over this before. You can't tell me what to put in this wedding. Oh, Clara, I spoke with Sam. He said as long as you can fit into that dress, you will wear it.
Clara: I see...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: C'mon! How long does it take for Body Mass Powder to mix with cookie mix!?

While Clara gets fat again, Edna has a new look to show off.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Mother, are you wearing contacts?
Edna: I want to look young in the wedding photos.
Mary: I'm just going to do a bit of shopping, we are low on cake mix for some reason...

Later, a woman arrives at the store where Tom works just before closing...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Woman: I need cake mix and hairspray
Tom: It's a tad late, but this way ma'm.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Woman: Well how kindTOM! YOU WORK HERE!?
Tom: I told you 6.5 times. It would be 7 is you didn't keep stopping me in the middle of a sen-
Mary: YOU ARE GROUNDED YOUNG MAN!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: What...?
Mary: No ifs, no buts! I need to go now...

The next day, Mary pops in again...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Didn't Edna make you wear normal, non-slutty outfits?
Mary: I....uh....
Tom: *Sigh* I won't tell Dad if you tip me...

She also comes in the next day...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Are you wearing Ednas glasses?
Mary: I'm a slutty school girl! Don't hate!

You can see where this is going...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Aw come on!
Mary: What?

Oh, over the 4 days in which that happend, Mike learned to walk.
The Edwards Screenshot_original

Now back the story...
Aww, Sam and Mary on the beach :3
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: OH! EDWARD!

Thats not Sam...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edward: So, do you have a place to stay?
Mary: Yeah, I kind of have this big house with a big guy... who I need to get back to. Shit! See you around maybe?
Edward: Oh yes. Yes you will.

Back at the house, Tom and Clara have a friend over.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Is that... Mary?
Tom: I kind of have something to tell you. I will in the house...

Later...:
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: ...So you understand.
Clara: Yeah. Hey, I bet shes dressed like that right now.
Kid: We saw her....
Clara: Okay! Oh, I left something in the Love Dungeon, be right back!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: WHOAH! SHIT! WHAT THE HELL!?
Mary: I....uh.....
Edward: Could you maybe not grip my balls so tightly?

Much later...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: You had better not say anything!
Clara: I'm telling Sam!
Mary: I'm telling Sam that you hang around in the Love Dungeon!
Clara: Tom and me found it!
Mary: Who do you think built it!? I'm going, say anything and I will kill you.

Later that night, Clara keeps quiet. Tom is still thinking of a way to stop Mary...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Maybe if I kill her....no. Thats no good.
Edna: TOM! IT'S ABOUT TO START!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Can they tell I was wearing makeup? Naw?
Sam: MARY! HURRY THE FUCK UP!
Mary: ALRIGHT!

So it begins...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: ...I do
Clara: Shit
Tom: Shit

Clara and Mary have a little 'talk' about the wedding.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: So just call me 'Mom'
Clara: FUCK YOU WHORE, YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER!
Mary: WELL, IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER!?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Your Dad took my last name, so guess what? I am your new mother. Treat me fucking like it, or no food for a week.
Clara: My mother is dead! She is twice the mom you will ever be!

So what does this mean? No more Clara acting up? No bad Tom? Stay tuned...
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:09 pm

*nothing to see here people*


Last edited by Shark Attack on Sat Jul 24, 2010 11:09 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : It's old and I never got around to doing it. There is a load of other things however...)
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by •Jαwsh•™ on Mon Jan 25, 2010 12:28 am

YAY! They're back! (insert yay fox smiley here, which we need!)
•Jαwsh•™
•Jαwsh•™
Attached

Posts : 244
Join date : 2010-01-18
Age : 23
Location : Manchester, UK, Europe

https://www.youtube.com/user/JoshDegennaro01

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Kitty :D on Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:58 am

So, I actually read this. I couldn't stop laughing xD
Kitty :D
Kitty :D
Here To Stay

Posts : 347
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 25
Location : The corner of your eye.

http://thissuperficialhypocrisy.tumblr.com

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by •Jαwsh•™ on Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:59 am

Kitty :D wrote:So, I actually read this. I couldn't stop laughing xD

LOL! I know, this story is win. :3
•Jαwsh•™
•Jαwsh•™
Attached

Posts : 244
Join date : 2010-01-18
Age : 23
Location : Manchester, UK, Europe

https://www.youtube.com/user/JoshDegennaro01

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sat Jul 24, 2010 11:21 pm

The Edwards is updated here now too! Yay!
MIKE'S BIRTHDAY
We all knew this day would come...

Spoiler:
Picking up where we left off last, Sam is 'talking' to Clara about The Love Dungeon.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam:...and that is why I am closing off the Basement.
Clara: It's called The Love Dungeon! And why!?
Sam: I don't like my two thirds of my children going down together in a place that was once full of sex toys. It's also weird that you still call it that.
Clara: Point taken. But where will we go?
Sam: Tom had an idea...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: NO.
Tom: We just have to share with Mi-
Clara: NO.

In the next room, Edna and Mary are having 'a friendly chat' about how long Mary has been here.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Mother, you said you would leave after the wedding. That was two weeks ago.
Edna: For shame! Kicking out your own mother! Anyway, I don't take up much room...
Mary: THATS BECAUSE YOU SLEEP ON THE SOFA!
Edna: FINE! Let me just say goodbye to Sam and the kids...

Later...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Oh yeah, I said Edna could stay as long as she wants.
Mary: WHAAAAAAAAAT!?

So, Edna is here for good. How will they make room...?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Are you sure you have no problem staying in Tom's room?
Clara: Oh yeah, i'll be fine.
[size=50]Tom: WHAAAAAAAAAT!?[/size]
Clara: Tom... not so much...

After a day, things get back to normal. That is untill Mary announces her Honeymoon plans...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: YOU CAN'T GO TOMORROW!
Mary: THIS IS MY HOUSE, I MAKE THE RULES! DEAL WITH IT!
Clara: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW!?
Mary: YEAH! I GO TO FRANCE WITH YOUR DAD!

Within a few hours, they get up and go.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: DIAGON ALLEY!
Sam: MARY! STOP DICKING AROUND AND GET YOUR CRAP!

What is so special about today anyways? Well, if you didn't guess from the title, this may come as a shock...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Happy birthday Mikey!
Mike: It's Mike!
Edna: Mommy and Daddy can't be here today, but don't worry, i'll check the paper to see if there is something we can do.
Mike: Not the Art Gallery, please God not again...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Oooh! A coupon for the Art Gallery!

Looks like it's a day at the Art Gallery for Ed and Mike!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Says here that this was made by Vita Alto after a two week drinking binge.
Mike: Clearly...

A Old Lady and Mike looking at a plant isn't the most interesting... lets see how Mary and Sam are doing...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Remind me again how we got here and why you are dressed like that.
Mary: I dropped my ring down a storm drain. AND IT'S CALLED BLENDING IN!

Back at the house, Clara is making sure that nothing goes wrong with the party.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Asking for a sober Clown is NOT like asking for the moon. Know what? Fuck you!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Sorry, but there won't be a clown.
Edna: Ah well, never mind.
Clara: Hey, can you show me how you did that thing with your dress?
Edna: Oh, this? It was all the rage back in the 50's...

Mary seems to know what is going on...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: I JUST HAVE THIS FEELING THAT EDNA IS DOING SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO CLARA!
Sam: Uh huh...

Back at the house.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: No party is a party without one of my cakes!
Tom: Can't we just start the party.
Clara: SHUT IT. Go on Ed, bake a cake!

*CRASH*
Clara: WHAT WAS THAT!?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Oooh, my head. That WAS a nasty fall. Now, about that cake...
Death: *Clears Throat*

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: What was that craSHIT!
Edna: Don't be scared dear, when it's time, it's time.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: It's not like i'll be missed, I burned the cake mix...

*poof*

The Edwards Screenshot_original
What does this mean? Edna is dead, Mike is all grown-up and Sam and Mary are still stuck in a dungeon in France! Stay tuned to find out!


Last edited by Shark Attack on Sat Jul 24, 2010 11:23 pm; edited 1 time in total
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sat Jul 24, 2010 11:23 pm

DEADNA!
How will the Edwards cope without Ed?

Spoiler:
It has been an hour since Edna died and Death is still at the door...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Death: Where's the front door?
Clara: *sob* Can't you give us Ed back? Please! I'm begging you!
Death: Sorry missy, I can't. I have to abide by certain... rules. And besides...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Death: We had a deal.

Tom is tasked with the duty of calling Mary and telling her the news. This should be interesting.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: Why are you dressed like a whore Lara Croft?
Mary: This little get up? I...er...OH! PHONE! Yeah! Can't talk to you, phone is ringing!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: *sob* It's Mary! *cry*
Sam: Oh i'm so sorry! Your own mother. Dead. I can only imagine what this is like...
Mary: No, she only left me $200.
Sam: We live in Canada...
Mary: I know!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Sam: I know you didn't get on well with Edna, but show some respect!
Mary: I guess... we wern't that close.
Sam: WOW. You can find your own way out of here.

Makes you wonder why she was left anything... Anyway, Tom is having problems at work because of the death, but maybe this lady can help...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Red Lady: Whats wrong with you boy? Shouldn't you be stacking shelves?
Tom: It's my grandma. She... she passed away a few hours ago...
Red Lady: Oh i'm so sorry! But your Grandmother would probaly want you to not cry and to remember all the fun times you had.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Wow thanks! Thats the best advice anyone has given me! Thank you... err...
Ellen: Ellen. My name is Ellen.

Tom get off from his shift and goes to see if his sister is okay. But he gets quite the shock...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Clara! I got some great advice from... oh hell no.
Clara: What?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: What is this? Why are you dressed Goth again?
Clara: I'm sad! This is the only way I can show that I am sad!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: And just look at you! You are going around like everything is fine! Why didn't you take time off work to look after Mike? His parents aren't here for his birthday and his Grandmother, the person the pretty much raised him, is dead! Where as you just go off stacking crates and slapping on a smile for rude obese tourists! Why don't you show some respect?
Tom: I... er... I...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: I MISS EDNA! *sob*
Clara: It's okay Tom. I'm sorry I snapped at you. This is hard on all of us, especially Mike.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: I'm a bad person.
Clara: No, don't say that! If you want me to, i'll talk to Mike.
Tom: S-sure.

Now, how can Clara talk to her little brother about death without patronisng him?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Hmmm... maybe if I try to speak as his elder...

No good can come of this.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Now Mike, as your older sister, it's my job to make sure that you are holding up okay.
Mike: The situation has left me both distraught and upset, but i'll hold up okay.
Clara: Those are some big words for a little guy! Why don't you just go an-

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mike: YOU PATRONISING COW!
Clara: Buh!?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mike: You think that because i'm only a kid, that I can't hold up okay? I was closest to her! Closer than anybody in this house! I know how to cope, you bitch!

Well, looks like Mike and Clara won't be speaking anytime soon. Maybe Clara can get a little help...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Hey, can you- why are you semi-naked?
Tom: Err, no reason...
Clara: Anyways, could you talk to Mike about the whole thing. I think he hates me now...
Tom: Sure, just let me get dressed...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Whoah! Why are you walking around with just your pants on!?
Mike: Err, no reason...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Now Mikey, I know at times things like death can be scary, but you just have to-
Mike: RAAAAGH!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mike: I KNOW ABOUT DEATH! RAGH! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD AS THAT WITCH CLARA!
Tom:...

Not a single word was said for the rest of the day. Now, flash forward to 11PM. Mary has just got back from France.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Ugh, that bastard. He left me in a dungeon! Thats it, no sex and i'm going shopping with his credit card.

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: WAHHH! HOW DID YOU GET BACK QUICKER THAN ME!?
Sam: I used the dungeon door. My plane left when you phoned me about an hour after the fight. Anyway, you should go and say sorry to the kids. They all seem to hate you.

No good can come of this...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: YOU LEFT MIKE ON HIS BIRTHDAY! FUCK YOU!
Mary: I...uh...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mike: GRANDMA DIED WHILE YOU WERE IN A HOT TUB!
Mary: Yeah... but...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Why are you semi-
Tom: Fuck off.
Mary: Can't I just-
Tom: Fuck off.

There is a sense of bitterness in the air. Nobody is speaking and Mike hates everyone. That is until the next night...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mike: Hey, whats this?
Edna Filipz was a great woman who always had a smile on her face.
Caring, kind and loveable, she never had a bad thing to say.
Of course, it was too soon for her to go.
Loved ones are deeply sorry that this happend to her.
It was a shame to see her go. She will be missed.

~Mary Edwards-Filipz
Mike: That was... beautiful...
Edna: It sure was.
Mike: WHO SAID THAT!?

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: I did Mikey. Did you miss me?
Mike: GRANDMA!
*hugs*

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: I came to tell you not to be mad at your siblings. They are just looking out for you. You should forgive everyone.
Mike: Even mom?
Edna: No. It was her shoe I tripped on. That and her 'tribute' spells out E Coli with each first letter.

Moved by Eds forgiveness, Clara hatches an idea...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Aww. She can't even feel the hug of her Grandson. Hey, maybe... no. It's just a myth. Or is it...?

Back to the heartwarming stuff.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Speaking of Mary, where is she?
Mike: At the clothing store, trying on undies.
Edna: And her biggest fear is ugly fashion, right?
Mike: Yes...
Edna: Heh heh heh. I'll be back...

This should be good.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: I AM THE SPIRIT OF VOGUE, HERE TO TELL YOU TO UPDATE YOUR WARDROBE!
Mary: OH JESUS! CHEETAH CAPS ARE BACK IN? NOOOOOOOO!

So, Edna is 'alive' and all is forgiven. It looks like everything is all wrapped up nicely. But what is next for the Edwards? Stay tuned!
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Shark Attack on Sat Jul 24, 2010 11:23 pm

Babby Faddah'
It's season 2 and it is starting with a bang! Or so Mary thinks...
Spoiler:
Here we are again for a new season! Clara is blowing off some steam by playing The Sims on her Dad's Laptop.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: UGH! Screw it! I can't be arsed to build a house that my shitty Sim will just burn down. It's MSN ti- hey, whats this...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
SexyMary69: Ugh, my uterus is killing me.
LoverBoi: Gee, thats great. When are you coming over?
SexyMary69: Soon, don't worry. :) Did you pack the XL's?
LoverBoi: One is broken tho. Ah well, it shan't distrupt my sexytimes.
Clara: WOW...

So, Clara logs off and runs up to tell Tom about this...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Clara: Mary is cheating on Dad.
Tom: We have known that for ages.
Clara: She could be pregnant by him.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: For all we know, it could be Dad's baby.
Clara: True, but it might not be!
Tom: Ugh, fine. Just let me put the idea of pregnancy in her head...

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Tom: Pains in the baby zone are a sure sign of Pregnancy. Just thought you might like to know that.
Mary: Err, how lovely. Could you wait a sec, I just need to head to the store...

Subtle. Anyway, Mary heads to the store and runs into a not so familliar face...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: You there! Store gremlin! I require a pregnancy test! Chop chop, i'm a busy girl!
Ellen: AW HELL NAW.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Ellen: I AM NOT A STORE CLERK. EVEN IF I WAS, I WOULD NOT SERVE A RUDE BITCH LIKE YOU!
Mary: I...uh... I think that you should be a tad nicer... because...er.... my husband is RICH!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: YEAH! I AM MARY FILIPZ-EDWARDS! THAT IS A NAME YOU SHOULD REMEMBER! THIS IS MY TOWN AND I OWN EVERY LAST BIT OF IT!
Ellen: Edwards? Is you husband called Sam by any chance...?
Mary: Yeah, why?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Ellen: You WHORE!
Mary: THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY?
Ellen: YOU! BE CAREFUL SLAG, I HAVE WAYS...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Ellen:...of getting my way.

So, just who is Ellen and how does she know The Edwards? We'll find out soon, but for now, it looks like Mary has some shocking news...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: OH GOD! A BABY! Okay, calm down, it's not like you're going to change OH GOD I HAVE TO CHANGE! I messed up my last one! And look at me! Maybe it's me. Well, I guess it's time to be a mom now! To really take my mothers old advice: change for the better and find my baby's daddy!

Oh Jeebus Krust, what will Mary do to change? Hadn't she already changed, not dressing like a tart all the time? How much more change can happen!?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Edna: Okay... don't say anything stupid...
So... Mary. What the hell is this?
Mary: Well, I took out ALL by hair extensions, stopped dying it, threw away all my Slut clothes and put on a maternity dress!
Edna: Okay, what are you planning?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: WOW. Don't you think it's possible that maybe I have changed? That I am trying to find the father of my current baby? Don't you want my child to know his REAL dad?
Edna: I...er...
Mary: Now where is Mike? I need to ask him a science question...

Yep, stuck on a question, ask your 10 year old. Just like the good ol' days.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Now Mike, I may need to get some extra nutrition...
Mike: You're pregnant.
Mary: Err, maybe. But I need to get the nutrtion of two people. You are a smart cookie, help me.
Mike: Well, my teatcher Mr.Brando said that pregnant women eat everything within 5 miles and get all hormonal, i'd do that.

So, Mary Eats...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
and eats untill she looks like she went out and devoured an actual baby.
The Edwards Screenshot_original

After two days of non-stop eating, Mary sets out to find her Babby Faddah'. This can't end well...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Hey Dave! You know that one time we did it? Well, I am totally preggers now, so I need to come to the doctors for a DNA tes- hello? Dave? You there?

She goes to the beach next to see her other lover, Naseed.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Naseed: You WHORE. HOW CAN I HAVE A BABY WITH YOU? I'M MARRIED WITH 4 KIDS ALREADY! IT IS SOMEBODY ELSES!
Mary: I...I just came to tell you that because of our lack of sex, the baby isn't yours. Also i'm breaking up with you.

After a whole day of going through potential baby daddies, Mary waits until the next day to see her final option. But will he recodnise Mary?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Grr, whats taking David so long? He said he'd be here an hour ago...
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Must be a big baby, I can't see my toes...
David: Hmm, can't find her... Maybe that lady knows where she is...
Excuse me, miss! Have you seen a Mary Filipz around lately?
Mary: Oh you silly boy! I'm Mary!
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: How about a hug for your candy-girl?
David: NO! No, i'm fine thank you.
The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Listen, i'm going to get to the point. I have a baby in me and it is yours...
David: I...WHAT!?
The Edwards Screenshot_original
David: LISTEN HERE YOU SEACOW, I WILL NEVER RAISE A BABY WITH A SLAG LIKE YOU! YOU SLEEP AROUND, YOU CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CAMEL TOE IS STARING AT ME! THE IDEA THAT I WILL BE THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD IS OFFENSIVE AND OBSCENE! WHY WOULD ANYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD WANT TO HAVE A KID WITH YOU!? SURE, YOU ARE GREAT IN THE SACK, BUT THE THOUGHT OF YOU ATTEMPTING TO MOTHER A CHILD MAKES ME WANT TO HANG MYSELF WITH A TELEPHONE CORD!

The Edwards Screenshot_original
Mary: Wow he was mean, but maybe he was right. I'm not exactly the prettiest of girls without my makeup and extensions, I can't look after a child and maybe I do look a little portly, but by GOD i'm a great gal. Aren't I?

*Sad piano music plays*

Maybe Mary is a bit of a slut, but that was a shitty thing to do. So she goes off to the store to find some tissues, a sad film and a teddy. But what will she really get?


An old 'friend' from yesterday who se needs advice from...
The Edwards RsCfn
Mary: Am I fat?
Ellen: Very.
Mary: Ugh, fine...
Ellen: Wait, Mary, I have a confession...

The Edwards PxWYM
Ellen: It was me!
Mary: What was?
Ellen: I'm the reason you're fat!
Mary: It's nice you want to make me feel better, but I am the reason i'm fa-
Ellen: No, I switched your pregnancy test with a used positive, causing you to overeat and confess to all your boyfriends that you are a whorebag.
Mary: ...

Now, Mary has gotten fairly mellow since the "baby". Maybe it won't be so ba-OHSHIT.
The Edwards FXHhv
Mary: Grrr...GRRR...GRAWWWWWWWWWWWR!
The Edwards SLcQq
Mary: YOU MOTHERFUCKING WHORE! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?
Ellen: You confused me with a shop assistant. That and I don't like you.

The Edwards E5d4g
Mary: Do you REALISE what you have DONE!? Now everybody in town knows that I am a slut! What am I supposed to do for sex now!? My husband is really bad at it! Ugh, I can't beilieve I slept with him to get a goddamned Credit Card which I maxed out at our old house! I NEED to find more men in this town!
Sam: Mary?
Mary: Ohshit.
Ellen: Bye!

The Edwards QGU60
Sam: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?
Mary: I... er... Yeah, well how did you know I was here then? You stalker, you should be ashamed.
Sam: I FOUND OUT ON YOUR TWITTER THAT YOU WOULD BE HERE!
Mary: Well... I...
Sam: GET IN THE CAR, WE'LL HAVE THIS ARGUMENT AT HOME!

So, when they get home...
The Edwards Tv4yj
Clara: Mary? You look like you just saw death...
Mary: Clara, I may not have been a great mother, but do I deserve to be kicked out?
Clara: You cheated on Dad at every oppertunity and slapped me. BUH-BYE!

The Edwards PSLZW
Sam: YOU CHEATED ON ME!?
Mary: You cheated on me! I saw you with that old lady...
Sam: THAT WAS MRS. EDFIRE! SHE HAD BROKEN HER HIP AND NEED HELP GETTING ACROSS THE ROAD!

The Edwards Ww61B
Sam: Look, i'm going right to the point... GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I'M HAVING AN ANNULMENT!
Mary: I thought you liked being a guy...
Sam: IT MEANS OUR MARRAGE IS OVER!

The Edwards OMgqj
Mary: What!? Where will I...how will I...
Sam: Get. Out. NOW!

So, Mary is cast out into the wilds of Canada, not knowing where to go or who to see. What does this mean? No more Mary? No more Slutventures? Will Clara ever stop being Goth? Stay tuned!
The Edwards JmKny
Shark Attack
Shark Attack
Friendly Face

Posts : 105
Join date : 2010-01-19
Age : 23
Location : SEX!

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Delightful on Sun Jul 25, 2010 5:40 am

Eff-anally D:


OMFG, I just read through it all, I couldn't stop laughing. xD

Sam: Look, i'm going right to the point... GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I'M HAVING AN ANNULMENT!
Mary: I thought you liked being a guy...
Sam: IT MEANS OUR MARRAGE IS OVER!

LOVE IT! xD

_____________________________________________

The Edwards DelightfulSig
We're making a scene
Delightful
Delightful
Administrator

Posts : 399
Join date : 2010-01-18
Age : 23
Location : Where the Light is

http://inhuman.omgforum.net/

Back to top Go down

The Edwards Empty Re: The Edwards

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum